4 Sacred Rituals to Build Connection

It is very possible that stay at home moms are the busiest people on the planet. From morning until night, the moment we wake up till the moment we go to sleep, we are busy helping all the kids do all the things we're finding missing shoes, we're cleaning up spills, we're cleaning up Legos before we step on another one. It's easy to get caught up in all the things we have to do to just survive day to day, much less try to keep a clean home or have some time for self care or just go have a hobby. But there are four critical routines that I call sacred because they are so important in creating a family culture that we're proud of. Let's talk about them.

Welcome to motherhood, the best job in the world. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, a stay at home mom just like you, sharing practical parenting tips so you can find joy in mothering.

Now I'm not gonna give you a list of four things you need to do every day with every child perfectly in order to keep your family connected. It's impossible. It won't happen.

There's too many moving parts. And then if you're like me, there's too many kids. And there's only one of me, and I only have so much energy to go around. But I do have four crucial and what I consider sacred rituals that I try to keep my family grounded in. And I have a minimum standard that I try to meet, and I consider it a win if I can meet that standard each day or each week as we'll discuss.

So let's get into it. First up, one meal per day. Is there one meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner, that you can bring your whole family together to sit around a table and eat that meal together as a sacred space. I keep saying sacred because it means set apart. It means differentiated from the rest of the world.

And this is what I mean by sacred mealtime. No distractions, no phones, no toys. And in our family, we have the rule that we don't answer the door if someone knocks while we're all seated at the table, because we want to emphasize that when our family is together around the table eating or even just talking, that is a set apart space that's more important than anything else going on in the world at that time. And for little kids, it's all about building social skills and the security of having a regular routine that the family all participates in. With little kids and limited time, family mealtimes don't have to be fancy.

It honestly is not about the food anyways. In fact, we tell our kids all the time that dinner is not just about eating. It's about conversation. And some of my favorite things to do while we're at the dinner table together is to ask fun questions like would you rather games. We also have a pass the salt game.

It doesn't have to be salt. It can be whatever. But pass the water bottle game, where whoever's holding the water bottle or the salt or the literally anything they can pick up off the table is the one who gets to answer all the questions that we ask. It's a great time to get to know your child a little bit more, slip in some deeper questions as you ask some fun ones, and learn the skill of conversing, of asking questions and waiting for an answer, taking turns talking. These are all the skills that are built just by having a meal together and by setting it apart as a time of no distractions and no phones and no busyness.

These kinds of moments build bonds even if dinner's a little bit chaotic or you're serving leftovers for the second night in a row. Try to make meals one meal a day sacred for your family. Okay. Next, one on one car conversations. The rule here is that if I am ever in the car with only one child at a time, that car ride has become sacred, and it is set apart with no radio, phones, no AirPods, and I am just trying to engage my child in conversation during that drive.

These are some of the most profound times to have conversations about what's going on in their life, about how they're feeling about their friends or the activities they're doing. There's something about the quiet space and the side by side position with no eye contact and no pressure that makes kids talk. Now my kids are still really young. So most of the time they're behind me, and it's actually kinda hard to have a conversation. But my oldest two, my twins are just getting to the age where if we're not going too far and it's just me and them, me and one of them, I let them sit in the front seat and we can have a conversation.

I want to start now to show them that you can talk to mom about anything when we're in the car together. As you get older, this becomes even more important, especially when it comes to, you know, that awkward stage where it could be hard to talk to mom and dad about some things. Again, being able to look away, to look out the window, to know that mom and dad are not focusing their gaze on you, feels so much less pressure and allows kids and tweens to start opening up in ways they might not have. I am guilty of sometimes just wanting to have my AirPods in and listen to my podcasts or listen to my audiobooks or even just zone out and enjoy some radio. But if I'm traveling with one kid, that becomes a sacred car ride.

My next ritual, sacred ritual, is one unrushed morning per week of the family all home together with nowhere to hurry off to. This one's tricky. Obviously, most days of the week, dad has to be at work at a certain time. I like to go work out in the morning, and it sometimes requires me to sacrifice leaving in the morning so that I can be there when my kids wake up and come jump in to bed with me first thing in the morning, and to have nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. Especially for kids who have to start learning the morning routine of wake up, get dressed, eat your breakfast, get your shoes on so we can get in the car and go to school.

That is stressful. That is stressful, especially for young kids. So having at least one morning a week allows there to be space for kids to slow down, have a calm start, take a deep breath, and just let that day start off gently. So this week, see if you can find one morning where you can delay what you have to do or maybe get it done even earlier before you know anyone will be awake, and plan nothing until, like, 10:00 in the morning and just allow everyone to wake up whenever they want, maybe start with a big family cuddle session and just see how the day progresses. Can we have some stuff ready to go for the next morning, like breakfast premade or bags packed so that we don't have to rush and do that first thing in the morning?

These are options to help you have a little more free time in the morning. And the last attachment building, connection building, sacred ritual that I try to implement as often as possible, but my minimum is one bedtime per kid per week. Bedtime can be a battle. I mean, let's be honest, most of the time it is. I am typically losing my patience by the end of the night.

I have stuff I wanna get done when everyone's in bed, or I'm just tired and I wanna go to sleep. It can be rough. But at least one time per week, I try to designate a bedtime with one child where I'm not going to rush out of the room, where I'm going to cuddle as long as they want. I'm gonna talk as long as they want with my five year old daughter. She has so much to say.

So much to say. I don't think she would fall asleep for an hour, but I'm not gonna rush her. I'm gonna sing her the songs she asks me for. I'm going to rub her back if that's what she wants. But if I can just do that for each child, one time a week, that teaches them that mom will be there.

Dad will be there. We will have an opportunity to get one on one attention, which with a large family can be hard to give to each child. Sometimes I feel like there's just not enough of me to go around to all four kids. But when they have their undivided bedtime, even if it's just once a week, they know I'm gonna say no to some other kids because I'm busy cuddling with your brother right now. And of course I'll come in and check on the others before I go to bed and kiss them goodnight, but I'm gonna stay here and cuddle with your brother for a little longer and see what he needs to hear.

In a different episode, I'm going to talk to you about how I do my bedtimes and one of my favorite bedtime rituals, which is called the body blessing, which I learned from one of my favorite authors, Justin Whitmall Early, who wrote Habits of the Household, but I'll save that for a different episode. However you decide to structure your bedtime, see if you can set apart one night per kid, per week, to give some undivided attention and let them know that you're all theirs. I should also clarify that I don't designate these nights ahead of time, like say on Wednesday night, it's so and so's night. I'm more just, however it's going, whoever needs it, whatever it works out to be, I try to just give each kid one night a week. So don't think that you have to try to find how am I gonna plan Tuesday night so that I can be with Jane at bedtime.

Just see how it works out. The idea is that you have something you're striving for, which is one bedtime per kid per night. I hope these give you some ideas for how being a little bit more intentional about a couple sacred routines can make a big difference in your family culture. Of course, you're gonna be busy with all the little things that come up here and there. Of course you're not gonna be perfect.

Of course there's gonna be days or weeks that go by when you haven't done these and you just can't find the time or energy. There are some times when I want to be this mom, but I just know I need my own space. And I need to just get in bed without doing an hour long bedtime. Or there's times when I just need to zone out a little bit and play my music in the radio. That's okay though, that's gonna happen.

That's part of our self regulation. But if we don't make the effort to parent intentionally, then we will go our whole lives with just reacting to the things that come up in it. There will always be a fire to put out. So we have to set some things apart, consider them sacred, and do the best we can to implement some rituals and routines so that our kids know what to expect. We feel and foster that family connection, and we create the culture that we really want our family to have long term.

I hope this has given you some ideas that you can work with this week. And I hear my kids coming home from a bike ride, it's time for me to sign off. Reach out to me and tell me how your routine goes this week. I'd love to hear if you try any of these in your family. If this episode has added any value to your life, please reach out to me.

I would love to connect with you. Find me on social media or click on the podcast website. I'll see you next time on Motherhood, The Best Job in the World.