49| Burnt Out in Motherhood? When Mindset Work Doesn’t Work, Use Self-Compassion
Download MP3Hey there, friends. You have been doing all the hard work of getting your mindset right, of creating the most positive energy through your thought frequencies, to aligning your energy with positive vibes. And guess what? It's not working. Today we're talking about what do we do when all the mindset work doesn't work.
Kelsey Redd:Welcome to Intentional Motherhood. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, and this is a podcast for all you high vibe moms who are already exhausted because you're doing so much for your family, but you want to create the life of your dreams. Let's talk about how to do that even when all the mindset work isn't working for you. Before we get started, don't forget to rate or review this episode, like or subscribe and share it with someone who could benefit from it. And I'm sure you know someone who can benefit from this episode because this is one of those real mom life episodes.
Kelsey Redd:This honest episode is all about what to do when everything that we've been talking about, about how to raise your thought frequencies, how to have this aligned energy and these positive vibration thoughts of love and gratitude and abundance. What do we do when it just doesn't work? And this is a perfect time to talk about this because I'm in the middle of one of those weeks and it's been really rough and it was actually such a good reminder to me that, Oh yeah, this stuff is really easy to talk about when things are going great. But when stuff hits the fan and nothing seems to be going right and hormones are all over the place and you're just having a really hard time, then we get to this point of our mind really wants to return to the familiar patterns that we've talked about. Those automatic thoughts that are typically negative or stressful or stress inducing.
Kelsey Redd:Sometimes they're very critical, very harshly critical towards ourselves. And often that's where our brain goes when we're in the middle of a really hard time. So I want to give you a couple tools to use during the times when all the mindset work doesn't work. The first thing I want to talk about, because I feel like it's our first line of defense all day, every day, but especially in these kinds of hard moments is grace. This is the grace we receive from God when we just do not feel capable of doing it ourselves.
Kelsey Redd:The grace that I'm talking about is the power through the atonement of Jesus Christ to give us strength beyond our own. That is exactly why Jesus suffered and died for us. And that is the power of His atoning sacrifice. It allows Him to perfect us where we can't be perfect and sometimes to make us capable when we can't even be capable. So the first step is to seek God's grace through prayer, through scripture study, through meditation, through all those things that lift your spirit so that you can just access that energy, His energy.
Kelsey Redd:For me, this typically looks like choosing to play gospel or worship music in my home or having scriptures going on in my headphones while I'm walking or driving or working out or turning on a conference talk that can really lift my spirit because I know I just need to put something inside of my brain that will bring the Holy Ghost into my heart and into my mind. I also want to talk about grace in the form of the grace we can give ourselves and the grace we can extend when we're recognizing that we're not showing up as our best and rather than allowing the harsh inner critic to come out and beat us down and beat us down and depress us more. If we can offer ourselves a little bit of grace and recognize that this is a hard time. I'm having a hard time and I need to turn towards compassion for myself rather than harsh criticism towards myself. So what does this self compassion that I'm talking about look like?
Kelsey Redd:You guys know that I'm all about practical, applicable skills and even scripts so that you have a go to response when you're in these situations. So I want to teach you the key principles of mindful self compassion, which is a whole curriculum that I'm trained in and that I feel really passionate about because it is so effective. So for the first principle of mindful self compassion is the mindfulness. It's the awareness, right? And we've talked about this all throughout the podcast of being able to slow down, pause for a moment, name what's going on, have that awareness rather than just being so caught up and consumed in your reactions and your responses that you haven't even acknowledged that you're caught up in your reactions.
Kelsey Redd:So being able to step back and just say, Wow, I'm having a hard day. Or, Goodness, I'm just feeling so frustrated about everything right now. Or even just recognizing it just feels like everything is going so wrong right now. Being able to make that distinction with an objective awareness, not criticism or judgment but just observation is the first step. The second step is in my opinion really the most critical because it is the turning point for me of if I'm going to go down the negative mindset spiral or if I'm going to be able to get out of it and come back to the compassionate state.
Kelsey Redd:The second step is recognizing the common humanity in your experience. This is where we dissipate shame by recognizing that we are not unique in this struggle and there's not something wrong with us because we are having this struggle. So in the second step, in the common humanity step, we say something like, It's normal to have bad days. Or anyone would feel this way if they were going through this or this stage of motherhood is really taxing or it's totally normal to be overstimulated when the house is a mess. This kind of language around the common humanity helps us to recognize that there's nothing wrong with me.
Kelsey Redd:There's nothing I need to feel ashamed of. I'm not defective because I can't maintain the perfect positive attitude all the time. I'm just going through a normal human experience full of ups and downs and goods and bads. So once you're able to slow down and pause and recognize what's going on, connect with your common humanity and recognize that it makes sense that sometimes I feel this way, then the third step is where we get to the self compassion. And this is the step where you actually get to show up for yourself as your own best friend.
Kelsey Redd:And yes, we love that we have friends, supportive loved ones, spouses who can sometimes be the shoulder to cry on and who can give us the words of comfort and support that we need. But sometimes it has to come from within because either we don't have access to them in the moment or just because we need to know that there is a constant support that we don't have to rely or depend on external validation in order to handle these kinds of situations. We need to know that from within we have what it takes to get through these kinds of hard days. And when we're acting from a space of self compassion, we have our own highest interest in mind. So this isn't going to be a type of indulgence or avoidance or escaping type coping skill.
Kelsey Redd:This is going to be from our highest interest, from our inner wisdom as our truest self, what is best for me in the moment? And it might be to take a break and have a little cry or it might be to go take care of yourself by giving yourself a healthy nourishing snack or meal. It might also just be using some really kind and compassionate words with yourself such as, You're doing the best you can. Or, I see how hard you're trying even in a hard day. Or even just, I'm here for you.
Kelsey Redd:I know this is hard, but you've got this. When we can show up as our own best friend, when we can think about what are the words that I need my best friend to say to me right now and then say those to ourselves, it is so empowering. Now, does this solve all the problems that we're dealing with on the day to day basis when we're having a hard time or things are just all falling apart? Not necessarily. But again, it's not that our external circumstances are going to necessarily change immediately, but the way we show up, internal workings of our mind and our heart is what allows us to cope and deal with what we've got going on in a more positive way, in a way that's not going to take us down a negative or depressive spiral.
Kelsey Redd:And when we get out of the funk as we always do, we can return to creating those high vibe energies and focusing our thoughts and our visions on the future and creating that life that we want. But sometimes we do just have to get through what's going on in the moment. And if you feel like you need even more help dealing with these kinds of negative thoughts and getting out of this spiral, head over to my website creatingintentionalmothers.com and look for the Stop the Spiral mini course where I teach you skills to reverse these negative thought cycles in minutes, not hours or days so that you don't have to be taken out for a long period of time because you just get sucked down into the negative spiral. And of course it's also linked in the show notes below. So I hope this episode has helped you to recognize that we all have our off days as much as I would love to stay in these positive thought frequencies all the time.
Kelsey Redd:It's just not realistic. And I want you to know that I'm right there with you. I have these kinds of hard days and weeks and times when it just feels like nothing is going the way it's supposed to and all this talk about positive thinking just isn't cutting it. I still want you to have the tools that you need to be able to live your best life. Thanks for joining me today on Intentional Motherhood and just know that I am cheering for you.
Kelsey Redd:I am rooting you on. The companion meditation for this week will be an exercise in mindful self compassion. And until then, remember, you're doing an amazing job.
