Episode 4
· 16:07
If I were to ask you, what is most important to your family? What are your family values? Do you have an answer for those? Could you identify what your family culture is? How would other people describe your family? And do your family dynamics align with what you really care about and value?
Kelsey Redd:Today, we are diving into something that can transform your home, creating a family culture that you are proud of. Think of family culture as that special sauce that makes your family uniquely your family. The values, traditions, and vibes that shape your household and your life together. We'll talk about why it's so important to be proactive about defining your family culture, how to figure out what your family culture should look like, and how to make it real with some simple routines.
Kelsey Redd:Let's get started. Welcome to motherhood, the best job in the world. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, a stay at home mom just like you, sharing practical parenting tips so you can find ultimate joy in mothering. So what's a family culture? It's the unique blend of values, habits, and traditions that define who you are as a household.
Kelsey Redd:It's the way you talk to each other, the family rituals that you love, and even the inside jokes that make you guys giggle. But here's the thing. A family culture that you're proud of doesn't just happen on its own. Either way, a culture will develop. But if you're not proactive, your family culture will be shaped by outside forces, like the shows you watch, peer influences, the chaos of a busy schedule, and just societal pressures.
Kelsey Redd:And that might not line up with what you really want for your family. Think about businesses and corporations. They always have a mission statement, something that serves as a guiding compass for what's important to the company, what they want their company culture to be like. Why would it be any different with our families? Being proactive with our family culture is kind of like planting a garden.
Kelsey Redd:You wouldn't just toss seeds out into the dirt and hope for the best. No, you would choose what you want to grow. You would carefully tend to it consistently over time until you see the fruits of your labors. When you're intentional, you create a home where your values shine through. Values like kindness, curiosity, adventure, love, compassion.
Kelsey Redd:Whatever you choose, these are consistently reinforced, creating a cohesive identity and expectation for behavior. This approach also helps children internalize these positive traits because they learn them from repeated behaviors over and over again through traditions and through the things you say. And this family culture acts as a moral compass, guiding your kids through their struggles and challenges and strengthening your relationships over time. It becomes the legacy of the family, something that your kids will actually carry into adulthood and into their families. So let me tell you a quick story.
Kelsey Redd:After my fourth baby was born, and I was occupied a lot of the time with recovering from having this baby, and nursing and napping a lot, I started to realize that my kids had gotten into a need for entertainment kind of culture. They were so used to waking up and being entertained with this activity or that activity, being taken from place to place, doing things constantly. And when this changed because I now had a newborn at home, I realized that this culture wasn't gonna work for us. At least not in this phase of our life anymore, we couldn't be that busy. And I knew I wanted something to shift in our family culture.
Kelsey Redd:So we started focusing on hard work, helpfulness, and responsibility. So that summer, we would start every day with hard work. And I used that term very lightly, but I would just come up with whatever job I could find to start the day off in a different way. To start the day off where the family had to work together to do something helpful as a team. We loved gardening.
Kelsey Redd:We loved yard work. I would let my kids harvest lavender flowers, and they thought that was the best. But it really did start to shift our family culture. I noticed my kids starting to get more engaged, more proactive about wanting to help or do some work, which they felt really responsible doing, and overall being more of a contributing part of the family rather than just waiting for me to entertain them. So how do you decide what your family culture looks like?
Kelsey Redd:Chances are there's already a well established culture in your family. You just have to decide if it's what you wanted or not. There are some clues you can use to help you determine what is your current family culture. You can do a little bit of a self audit. You might wanna look at what do we spend our time doing?
Kelsey Redd:What do we spend our money on? What do we repeat often? What phrases or disciplinary words do we use? Maybe even asking a friend, how would you describe our family? All of those will help you figure out where you are currently at.
Kelsey Redd:Then it might be time to back up and decide what you really want your family to look like. Hopefully, you're not far off. But you might wanna start with some big picture questions. What kind of family do you want to be? What's really important to us?
Kelsey Redd:What are some values that I wanna teach my children? This is so fun to do with your family. Maybe you make a treat, you grab all your kids, and you have a little family meeting. Let everyone describe what they think is most important to the family. Maybe it'll be traveling.
Kelsey Redd:Maybe it'll be kindness, compassion, adventure, laughter, studies in academics, athletics. Let everyone contribute. After brainstorming as many values as you can think of, see if you can narrow it down to a top three to five values and think about what those would look like in action. If kindness is your thing, maybe your family culture includes helping neighbors or saying please and thank you. If faith or spirituality is central to you, maybe you incorporate family prayer or service.
Kelsey Redd:Think about the kind of vibe you want in your home. Do you want a home full of laughter? Do you want quiet reflection? Do you want adventure? Another place to look for clues is in your own childhood.
Kelsey Redd:What did you love about your family, and what did you wish was different? For example, I remember playing so many games with my family, my extended family. We would laugh, we would stay up, we would be playing card games and telling stories, and those were positive memories for me and helped me to decide that I want a family that plays and laughs together. It might look different than the way it did in my childhood, but I know that laughter and fun and playfulness is important to me. At the end of all your brainstorming and collaborating, maybe you can write up a little family mission statement.
Kelsey Redd:It only has to be one or two sentences just saying our family is about love, adventure, and helping each other. That becomes your North Star. That becomes what guides how you spend your time, how you discipline, what kinds of questions you ask. So now here's the fun part. This is where we make the family culture become real through routines and habits.
Kelsey Redd:This is where the rubber meets the road, and you get to put it into action. Of course, you don't need to overhaul your life. Just start with small intentional practices that reflect your values. When I used to pick up my kids from school, I would always ask them, oh, did you have a good time at school today? Oh, did you have fun at school today?
Kelsey Redd:And I started realizing that what I was emphasizing is, did you have a good time? Did you have fun? And I wondered, is that really what's important to me? And I realized it really wasn't. In our family, we have the family value of kindness.
Kelsey Redd:That's what matters most to me. That's what I'm worried about my kids learning as they're going to school. I mean, they're only in preschool and kindergarten. Let's be honest. The academics is the least of my concerns.
Kelsey Redd:So I started asking them instead. Did you do anything kind for anyone at school today? What was something kind that someone did for you today? How did you help someone at school today? Did you help any of your friends with anything?
Kelsey Redd:This little shift changed the emphasis of their day and of what I was showing them was important. I would love to hear what family values you have and how you're incorporating them. I'll share one more example from our family. And I, of course, want to emphasize that we are in no way perfect. These are the things I strive to do.
Kelsey Redd:These are how I want our family to be. And so as often as I can remember to emphasize what's important to us, it builds that consistency, and it builds that foundation, those internal positive traits that my family knows is important. But of course, we're not gonna be perfect. In our family, we try to emphasize helpfulness and teamwork. And I try to tie this into a lot of different things.
Kelsey Redd:So when we're all setting the table together, I say, hey. Our family works together so that we can get dinner on the table. Hey. We're a team, so let's all work together so that we can have a nice dinner. I say this when we're getting ready for a trip even.
Kelsey Redd:Hey. You know what, guys? It's a lot of work for a big family to go camping. There's a lot to get ready, so we need everyone to help. In our family, we work together.
Kelsey Redd:That's one of those important phrases that you'll hear yourself say a lot. In our family, we value kindness. In our family, the most important thing is love. In our family, we help each other. Your children will hear these things over and over again, and they will start to understand that they're part of a tribe, they're part of a culture where certain traits are valued, and they will internalize those, and that will become what guides their behaviors even when they're outside of the home.
Kelsey Redd:But as parents, we have got to model the culture. If respect is one of your values, you have to show it by listening to your kids and owning your mistakes. This is so hard for parents. At least it's hard for me. I should speak for myself.
Kelsey Redd:But I've snapped at my children for spilling or for doing something I didn't want them to do. And in those moments, we have to catch ourselves and say, I'm I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. Let's work together. Or that wasn't very kind of me.
Kelsey Redd:In our family, kindness is the most important thing, and what I did wasn't very kind. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? When we model even owning our mistakes, it teaches our kids that we're not gonna be perfect. We're gonna mess up, but we still know what's important, and we come back to that.
Kelsey Redd:We always come back to that true north. Finally, let's celebrate when our family culture shines through. If I see my kids doing something helpful without being asked, oh, I say, thank you. That was so thoughtful of you. You knew I needed help, and you came and helped.
Kelsey Redd:That was so responsible. I love when our family works as a team together. This reinforces the culture and makes the kids proud to be part of something bigger. So why does all this matter? It matters because your family culture is the heartbeat of your home.
Kelsey Redd:It's what your kids will remember when they're grown. It's the feelings they'll have around their childhood. It's the feeling of belonging. It's the values that they will most likely carry into adulthood. When we're proactive about this, it means we're not just constantly reacting to life's chaos, but we're actually building something beautiful and lasting.
Kelsey Redd:It's like writing your own family story where you get to decide the ending. You get to decide how the family develops. So here's your challenge for this week. Talk to your family about what values are your top three values. And choose just one tiny routine to bring more emphasis to that value.
Kelsey Redd:Maybe it's a gratitude moment. Maybe it's a fun tradition. Maybe it's a different type of question that you ask. You don't have to be perfect, but just start small and watch your family culture grow. I'd love to hear how you're implementing your family values and how your family culture is progressing.
Kelsey Redd:Connect with me to share your stories, ask any questions, or just tell me what amazing things you're doing in your family. I'd love to hear about it. If this episode has added any value to your life, please reach out to me. I would love to connect with you. Find me on social media or click on the podcast website.
Kelsey Redd:I'll see you next time on Motherhood, the best job in the world.
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