32| The Gift of Boredom: Why Bored Kids Are A Good Thing
Hi friends, welcome back to Intentional Motherhood. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, a clinical mental health counselor turned stay at home mom of four little ones, a wife, a Christian, and someone learning right alongside you how to raise kids with faith, resilience, and joy for everyone in the household. And can you believe it's October? What a whirlwind of a September we had. I can't believe it's already October.
Kelsey Redd:Fall is officially here. We've had some cold, rainy mornings and it's been so beautiful. I love this time of year. It also reminds me that we're getting into the time of year when there's some dreary weather, it's harder to get outside, it's harder to just go out and play. And something that stresses me out, I'm sure you guys can relate to it, is that phrase that just can make any mom's skin crawl.
Kelsey Redd:Mom, I'm bored. I'm bored. I don't know if you guys hear this as often as I do in my house, but that's what we're gonna talk about today. And before we get started, I want to remind you guys to always check these show notes. I've been putting all sorts of links to courses that I'm creating and even just some checklists and guidelines and planners ideas with actual tools that you guys can download.
Kelsey Redd:Some are free, some are paid for, so that you can have real practical lists and worksheets right in front of you to help make motherhood that much simpler for you. So check the show notes below for kind of this whole library I've been building, but also another easy way to find it is just my Linktree. You guys have probably seen this before. It's just link, linktr.ee/kelsierd. If you go on there, I've got a whole library of all these tools and resources I've been building for you guys.
Kelsey Redd:And the reason it's on my Linktree or my Instagram link in bio, my Instagram is creating. Intentional. Mothers, is because I don't even have a website yet. That's how grassroots this movement is. I'm just getting this started and that's where I'm at right now.
Kelsey Redd:But in the meantime, you guys are welcome to go onto those links, whether in Instagram or Linktree, or just click on the show notes below and get access to all sorts of the things that I'm creating. And I'm just creating more. I find that I really, I've always been an organizer. I've always been a planner. I've always liked to write things out because I'm a very visual person.
Kelsey Redd:So And as much as I love talking it out with you guys, I have these resources that are in my mind just easier to understand and actually work through because they're written out for you in a worksheet or in a journal or in a checklist. Checklist. So head over to the show notes to look for that. Now let's get back to today's topic. Mom, I'm bored.
Kelsey Redd:The funniest thing to me is when my six year old says this to me literally two minutes out of bed in the morning. I don't know if anyone else's kids do this, but I will have my kid who literally gets out of bed, you know, climbs onto the couch first thing in the morning. And the first thing she says to me is, mom, I'm bored. I'm like, well, you woke up thirty seconds ago. So I'm not sure what to tell you.
Kelsey Redd:It's gonna be a long day. But I think honestly sometimes kids just say this when they're actually pleading for attention, but they don't know what it is they need. They don't know if they want a hug. They don't know if they want someone to just come and look at them in the eyes and have a conversation with them. So I think you guys have probably seen the Instagram memes that say kids won't say I need connection, but they'll say, will you play with me?
Kelsey Redd:And I think sometimes that I'm bored is kind of one of those situations. So I used to feel like I had to fix something that used to stress me out, But now I have made the mental shift and I know that boredom isn't a problem to solve. It's actually something that shows me that I'm doing something right and that there's something here I need to continue to protect so that that continues to come up. In our society, we've just come to believe that boredom is a crisis, right? That if our kids aren't being constantly entertained, then we're somehow failing them.
Kelsey Redd:This is what society wants us to believe. But boredom isn't the enemy. It's actually the birthplace of creativity, imagination, and innovation. So I want you to think back to your own childhood. I remember having all sorts of time in the afternoons after school when there was nothing to do.
Kelsey Redd:And those sometimes become the most magical moments. That's when we start to get creative and build forts out of blankets or we turn sticks into wands, or we invent completely new games with friends that were playing with no adult supervision whatsoever. Unstructured times actually create room for our inner world to expand. And actually, want to zoom out a little bit and think about how, and maybe I'm going in a direction here that is seeming different. And it's honestly due to some of the recent events of the last month that I'm starting to really see things as a spiritual warfare.
Kelsey Redd:We are really actually fighting something deeper and I think it's a fight on spirituality. And so I'm starting to just kind of have this lens on all the time. So maybe that explains the direction that I'm going here a little bit. But what I want to say is that if we zoom out a little bit, boredom and really actually silence, any silence, is so much more than just about like creativity. It's actually something spiritual.
Kelsey Redd:There is something spiritual in silence and quiet. When we allow this kind of space, we're teaching our kids something sacred. We're teaching them that peace and presence, like mindful presence, aren't found in the busyness. We can't always be busy. We're teaching them that it's okay to be still, it's okay to be quiet and calm.
Kelsey Redd:And we don't need to be afraid of this. I think there's a growing discomfort with our own thoughts. I know so many people who, I mean, myself included, I shouldn't even talk about other people. But I'm actually thinking of a research study. I know I sometimes struggle to just be alone with my thoughts quietly.
Kelsey Redd:But I'm actually thinking of a research study where when given the option between actually zapping themselves with a little minor electric shock or being in complete and utter silence and quiet and stillness, research participants would choose the shock because they just got bored and couldn't handle it. So it's a real skill that because I think that there is a connection between spirituality and silence and calmness and stillness, I think the, let's just say, meta corporations know that keeping us constantly occupied and busy and distracted and putting other voices into our head will create lifelong consumers out of us rather than people who have the, who are sovereign enough to be in control of their own thoughts and their own willpower because they have grown comfortable with the ability to be in silence, and in calmness, and in boredom and in presence and mindfulness. So let's get back to children learning this as actually a skill in their young childhood. As they grow up, their ability to be comfortable with silence actually does become the soil where something even more beautiful can grow. Their ability to hear their own inner voice.
Kelsey Redd:Their ability to be still enough to sense the whisper of the Holy Spirit. And I think that's a skill that we are losing. I know I'm losing it because like I said, it's so easy to always have something going on in my head, in my ears, I should say, something in my ears that I'm listening to. And if we are struggling to do that, and if we don't make the intentional effort to teach our kids to help them learn to sit in the quiet, then how will they ever learn to listen? Maybe we need to practice too.
Kelsey Redd:I'm off the cuff here deciding right now that this is something I need to practice better too. But let's talk now about what we usually kind of default to when our kids say they're bored, and why maybe it backfires, but it's just kind of what we've been conditioned to do. So here are some of the common quick fixes that we tend to reach for. Obviously, screens, right? The fastest boredom buster you can find is a screen.
Kelsey Redd:But screens don't satisfy, they overstimulate. And actually afterwards, our kids are usually more irritable and not less bored. They are just now learning to be consumers and to be entertained passively rather than creating entertainment. Of course, we love to hand them toys, more stuff, hoping that a new toy will keep them occupied and keep them busy and they'll be so excited about this new toy. But again, sometimes new toys, especially new toys that are designed specifically to be exciting and bright and have lots of lights and sounds, they actually shut down imagination because they are specifically designed for instant gratification and not for creative problem solving and imaginative play.
Kelsey Redd:Another thing we often do, which maybe I get guilty of because I like to keep myself busy sometimes, is constant play dates or outings. And of course social connection is great, but constantly rescuing them from just being alone robs them of learning how to enjoy their own company. My husband and I were just talking about this this weekend actually because we've been homeschooling now and everyone else is in school, or at least a lot of our friends are in school. So when we go out to a park, for instance, we aren't with a bunch of friends like we maybe were in the summer, there's just not as many kids out on the playgrounds in the middle of the day during the week. And I have noticed that because they're not, my children are not waiting for other kids to entertain them or waiting for a group of kids to create a game that they can go along with, they're actually learning to get along better either themselves or just within the group of the three of them.
Kelsey Redd:My three oldest kids are actually learning to play so well in just their own company. And I actually love that the sibling bond is being strengthened rather than a reliance on a large group of children or maybe a few certain friends who are much more assertive than my kids would be on their own. So I have really seen how this being alone, even just with our family, is helping them to start learning how to create games, just the three of them. It's been really beautiful. And a fourth go to quick fix for boredom is just super structured activities such as sports or lessons or even like crafts that we have to man personally.
Kelsey Redd:I hate these kinds of crafts. I much prefer here's some craft materials. Create a craft of your own accord because I just can't handle the mess. All these things are good. These sports and lessons and crafts, they're great.
Kelsey Redd:But too much structure, again, can make kids dependent on us to provide the stimulation for them instead of learning how to generate it for themselves. So the truth is every time we rush in to fill their boredom, we are taking away an opportunity for growth for them. So if we're not handing them screens and toys and constant activities, what can we give them when they're bored? Here's a few ideas that I have been working on in the last couple months, especially as we've been homeschooling, that not only fill their time in the moment, but actually build some long term character and independence. First of all, my go to response when my kids tell me they're bored, mom, I'm bored, is cool, you want a job?
Kelsey Redd:I love to give them jobs and chores and oftentimes it's kind of almost more of a joke in this situation because they know I'm gonna say that and they of course say no, But they know they have responsibility anyways. So something you can do to fight the boredom is give them small responsibilities, jobs like watering the plants or wiping the table or going and getting the laundry. It teaches them that they contribute to the family and that they have a purpose in the family. And sometimes they actually feel so much more satisfaction in doing the grown up things they see us doing. I'll oftentimes when they're saying they're bored, invite them to join me in whatever job I'm currently doing like, okay, come help me make breakfast then or perfect, go set the table because we're about to sit down for breakfast or well, come over here and help me with the dishes.
Kelsey Redd:These are great responsibilities that they can learn to participate in as a family. Of course, you know I'm gonna mention nature. My kids tell me they're bored and I say, go outside, go play outside, Even if it's just in the backyard, boredom in nature almost always turns into exploration and creativity. Let me say that again. Boredom in nature is my favorite kind of boredom, because it almost always turns into exploration and creativity and imaginative play.
Kelsey Redd:Love this. So send them out into nature when they're bored. Third option, give them the gift of independent play. We've talked about this extensively about why independent play is a gift for you and a gift for them. Encourage them to figure it out.
Kelsey Redd:Go play with Legos, go build something with cardboard. I keep a supply of cardboard boxes. It's called my recycling bin, but my kids think of it as a play chest because they are constantly drawing, cutting, building with cardboard. Let them draw, let them make up a story with their dolls or their stuffies or their Barbies. It's amazing what kids come up with when no one is telling them how to do it.
Kelsey Redd:And lastly, sometimes what I'm bored really means is I'm tired. So rest might be something that you need, they need to be given. Sometimes it's okay to just say, you know what, you might be, your maybe your body needs some rest right now. You can just lay there on the couch. Why don't you pick up a book and read for a little while?
Kelsey Redd:And I say read in quotes, because my kids can't even necessarily read yet. But why don't you look through some books? Here's the key though, none of these solutions are the same as the quick fixes. They're not flashy, they're not instantaneous, they're not providing something for kids that they can consume. They're opportunities for children to actually create something themselves.
Kelsey Redd:These are quiet, ordinary, and oftentimes uncomfortable at the beginning. And that's the beauty of it. We're teaching our kids to find contentment in the calm and not in the constant constant stimulation. So, friends, the next time your child says, I'm bored. Take a moment before you jump in, maybe actually smile and recognize, cool, I'm doing something right.
Kelsey Redd:And realize this isn't a crisis, this is an opportunity. This is an invitation to creativity, to stillness, maybe even to the beginning of some quiet meditations, or conversations between their soul and the Spirit of God. These at least are building the foundation for them to get there when they're older. Because the world will do everything it can to fill the silence, to keep putting into our children's minds what the world wants them to think and to learn and to believe. But we can help our kids to grow comfortable in calmness and quiet so that they can listen to the Spirit of God, so that they can create their own original critical thoughts.
Kelsey Redd:And that might just be one of the most valuable gifts we ever give them. Thank you so much for joining me today. If this episode encouraged you at all, would you share it with a friend who might also enjoy it? Maybe just do a quick rating or even a review to help more moms find the show. And maybe even screenshot, tag me on social media, so that we can help more and more moms join the army of mothers who are called of God to teach children to lead the world in faith and family centered values.
Kelsey Redd:Don't forget to subscribe and follow me at creating.intentional.mothers for more faith filled encouragement for intentional mothers. Until next time, take a deep breath, and remember, we are doing the most important job in the world. I'll see you next time on Intentional Motherhood.