31| Mom Depression & Negative Thoughts, 3 Mindset Shifts to Stop the Downward Spiral in Minutes!
Welcome to Intentional Motherhood, the podcast for amazing moms just like you who are just trying to do your best to raise the amazing children that God has given you and stay sane at the same time, and hopefully even find a way to really enjoy all the aspects of motherhood. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, clinical mental health counselor turned stay at home mom. And now I feel called to help mothers have information and skills and tools to be able to be the best version of themselves that they can be, because that's how we are the best moms that we can be. When we are regulated, when we are healthy, mentally, physically, spiritually, we can lead our family from a place of wholeness and presence and joy and love. And that creates the environment that allows our children to also thrive.
Kelsey Redd:So today we're going to talk about something kind of personal and a little deep, and I hope you'll bear with me. So let's get started. So I have to tell you a story. There was this day a few weeks ago where, I don't know, I just had a lot on my plate. There was a lot of stuff I was trying to get done.
Kelsey Redd:I felt like I had a lot of stress in my life at the moment. I was probably trying to get some work done that day. And my son, who's a little over a year old, still needs a lot of support going into nap time. And I totally take responsibility. I always say that I have created monsters because I do love to cuddle and nurse my babies to sleep.
Kelsey Redd:And so I don't have a routine where I just prepare them for a nap and then lay them down and I can walk away. I really rock my babies to sleep and a lot of times my, at least the last two babies need, how should we say, cuddles during their naps and night times. So I was trying to put my son to sleep and it was just one of those nap times that was going on and on and I couldn't sneak away. Anytime I would try to unlatch him and sneak away, roll off the bed, He would wake up and start crying and I had to stay with him and cuddle with him what felt like forever. And my other kids were doing who knows what, probably watching a show or getting into mischief because that's what they have to do when I'm putting the baby to sleep.
Kelsey Redd:And I remember just feeling so frustrated because I felt like I have other things I need to do today. I have so much to get done. And I can't, these are the words that I said in my mind. I said, I can't just be stuck in bed all day. This is so frustrating.
Kelsey Redd:I feel like I'm just stuck in this dark room in bed and I can't even get out of bed to do anything today. Now that might not sound like a big deal, but when I heard myself say those words in my mind, I instantly was brought back to a really dark time in my life when we were going through infertility and I was in a pretty deep and dark depression. And I remember that there were days, days that it was really hard to get out of bed. Days when I was so stuck in grief and sorrow and depression that I literally did feel paralyzed to my bed, you know? And I remember laying in a dark room, curled up in bed, overwhelmed by this depression.
Kelsey Redd:And I remember thinking back then, I can't do anything, I can't even get out of bed. I'm just stuck in this dark room in my bed all day, and I can't do anything else. And that was a really hard time for me. It's hard. It's actually even harder to talk about than I expected that it would be.
Kelsey Redd:Because that's a scary place to be when you just don't even feel like you have any motivation to get up out of bed. So back to this experience with the nap, when I realized what I had just said, and what it used to mean to me, and what it used to be like to be stuck in bed all day, suddenly my perspective changed so much. And I just remember thinking in that moment, wait a second, I would take being stuck in bed, cuddling with my baby, nursing my baby to sleep, and letting him get a nap a thousand times over being stuck in bed because I'm too depressed to get out of bed and I have nothing that I want to live for other than just being curled up in this dark room all day. And that shift in my perspective made all the difference. And that's what I want to talk about a little bit today.
Kelsey Redd:I want to share three mindset shifts that can help us stop spiraling quickly in minutes instead of in hours or days even. Three, mindset shifts that help to put things in their proper place in our mind so that we can get back up, move on, and go back to functioning hopefully happily. Because I don't think I'm the only one who has these kinds of negative thoughts or these frustrations that can sometimes spiral out of control and then end up taking you out, taking you out of commission for like the rest of the day or longer. And I want to help teach you guys how to not let that happen. And I actually am creating a whole course based around this concept that goes deeper into these three mindset shifts, as well as some of the context and foundational skills needed to kind of manage your thoughts and your emotions so that you can stop the spiral faster.
Kelsey Redd:So the three mindset shifts are first tuning back into your purpose. This is your why. This is the thing that reminds you what all the sacrifices are for. Maybe that's a deeply spiritual purpose for you, like I feel like it was my calling in life to be a mother. Or maybe it's a more logistical purpose, like I love my family and I want to raise good kids and I want them to have a happy mom.
Kelsey Redd:But wherever it lies on the spectrum for you, knowing your why, knowing why it is that we sacrifice the things we do as women and mothers of young children helps us to remember that, oh yeah, this is all going to be worth it. It's going to end at some point, but it's all going to be worth it. And that point brings us to the mindset shift number two, which is perspective. This shift takes us out of like catastrophization or rumination and helps put things properly into the reality, which is that this is going to pass. This is a moment that's going to pass.
Kelsey Redd:Not only the like actual moment that you're in, like I was in with the nap time, this is going to end within the next thirty to sixty minutes tops, but even the stage of life that we're in, right? These years are going to pass quickly, so quickly, and we won't be dealing with the kind of exhaustion and emotional and mental strains that are sometimes on us as a mom of young kids. So the perspective is kind of like the lens through which we view our situation. And when we can recognize that we are proactive and we are making intentional choices about our behaviors and our thoughts, then we can move past the rumination and depression spiral that can sometimes take over us. And the last mindset shift is gratitude.
Kelsey Redd:That was the key for me when I almost went down this depression spiral, when I recognize that I'm complaining about the same thing that I prayed and longed and was sorrowful over for so long. I get to lay in bed with my baby. I get to finally have the thing that I prayed all those years for. And that gratitude shifted everything and made me think, Oh, never mind. I'm not upset about this anymore.
Kelsey Redd:I'm just so grateful that I get to do this. So again, those three mindset shifts are purpose, perspective, and gratitude. And if you're thinking like, sounds familiar, I get into these negative spirals that sometimes do take me hours or days to get out of because my emotions get taken over and my thoughts go crazy like a runaway train. I need help with this. Then my new mini course is going to be just for you.
Kelsey Redd:And it would be a great idea to click on the link in the show notes below to get on the wait list so that you can be the first to be notified about that course, or to click the link in my bio creating. Intentional. Mothers on Instagram and sign up to be notified. For less than the cost of one therapy session, I'm going to teach you, I'm going to give you information that you need to understand to recognize how mental and emotional patterns work. And I'm going to give you skills and tools to work through these kinds of negative patterns, as well as go more into these mindset shifts so that you can quickly stop the spiral and get back to being the mom that you want to be.
Kelsey Redd:If you're excited about this, or if you can think of another mom who might benefit from this kind of information, please leave a review and send it to a friend, share it on your social media, tell anyone you can think of so that we can have more and more moms joining our amazing community. I feel called to help moms to find joy in motherhood, to recognize what a blessing and privilege this journey is. So if you feel like you're not enjoying motherhood, please reach out to me. DM me on Instagram, email me at creating. Intentional.
Kelsey Redd:Mothersgmail dot com so that we can connect and we can find a way to teach you what you need to know, create an action plan so that you can get back to thriving in motherhood. I'm so grateful you spent this time with me and remember, you are doing an amazing job. Until next time, I am cheering you on. And I'll see you in the next episode of Intentional Motherhood.