15 | Help! I Have Free Time & I Don't Know What to Do! How to Use Your Downtime as a Mom Without Losing Yourself

Hi friends, welcome back to Intentional Motherhood. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd. Sharing parenting tips to deepen your family connections while still preserving your self identity. Because yes, you are a mom and it's the best job in the world. And you're also a passionate woman with dreams, ambitions, and hobbies.

You want to play on the floor with your kids, and you want to be a spiritual guru with a deep connection to God and the universe. You see yourself baking up a storm in the kitchen and creating something meaningful, or participating in a hobby just for you. You're a shoulder to cry on when your kids need cuddles, and you're a passionate wife who has an intimate connection with her partner. Today, we are embracing the and. Today, I'm giving you permission to be it all.

Not that you have to be it all perfectly, but that you can and should prioritize your identity outside of motherhood. So today I want to give you some practical ideas for how to use your downtime. Because you guys, I talked to so many moms and you know what they tell me? They tell me, I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if I had an hour of free time. Or they tell me, my to do list is a mile long and I can't even get to all the things I need to do to just manage the house and take care of the family.

So today I'm gonna break it down for you a little bit so that when you get that holy grail of free time, you don't freeze and end up wasting it because you can't even come up with a plan for what to do during this time. So I'm gonna give you three categories of ways to use your time so that you can use them appropriately as you choose. So the first category is productivity. And this is actually my lowest priority way to use your time. The second category is what I'm gonna call leisure.

These are the fun things you can do for yourself to just enjoy a moment. And the third category I'll call soul work or spirituality. And these are the actual like must do. You probably need to make time every day to do these things because they just have to be done in order to keep your soul and your spirit vibrant. So let's talk about number one, productivity.

These are things like housecleaning, laundry, dishes, meal planning, grocery shopping, organizing and registering for activities and sports. Because does anyone else feel like that can become a full time job sometimes? Or is that just me? Anyways, all the logistics that go into running your household. What I'm not including in the productivity category is your work.

If you are a work from home mom or a working mom, because that I would say is not free time. That's time away from your kids and time away from your family. But that's not free time. And that's not what I'm talking about here because that has to be its own separate space that has boundaries around how that's organized. So the reason that productivity is my lowest priority way to use your free time is first of all, it never goes away.

It never ends. It'll always be there for you. And so if we make that the priority for how we use our free time, you will use all of your free time, all the time, forevermore managing these kinds of things. Doing the dishes while your kids nap or folding laundry while your kids watch a TV show. And I just don't think that's the best use of your time.

And also, because these are the types of things that I actually encourage you to do with your kids alongside your kids. So it's kind of on the line of whether this is free time or time with your kids. I actually encourage you to include your kids in the chores and in the cooking and even maybe in the meal planning as much as they can, depending on their ages, so that they see all the work that goes into running the household and so that they're involved in it and maybe even can take a little bit of that off of your plate. I once had someone give me the best piece of advice, which is teach your kids to do the chores that you hate the most, because then you're not the one doing them. They are.

So you know what? The first thing I have taught my kiddos to do, and they're really good at it now, is unloading the dishwasher. I hate unloading the dishwasher. I don't mind washing the dishes and filling the dishwasher, but I almost never unload the dishwasher, and it's the best thing. So there's a little pro tip for you.

But I also recognize that there are times when for your mental health, for your emotional regulation, you need to do a little tidy or a little project around the house that has to get done when there's less kid involvement. And so every once in a while, that's what you use your free time doing. Otherwise, let's make that a part of how we interact with our kids. Let's make that a part of our family culture where kids are doing it with us. I remember when my kids were young, when my twins were babies actually, that someone told me, don't clean while your babies are napping.

And I thought, well, when else am I gonna clean? That's the time I have to clean. But I took it to heart and I really actually am glad that I implemented that all those years ago, because it allowed me to see nap time, not as a time to just, Oh, thank goodness, now I can get all the things done that I've been needing to do anyways. But actually to see it as, Okay, this is my time. This is my free time to take care of myself, to do something that's going to replenish me so that once the babies are awake, I'm ready to jump back into it.

Of course, are times when our mental health and our emotional regulation depends on having a clearer space where I can see the floor or I can see the bottom of the sink. And so we have to do something to create the environment that allows us to be at peace. But as often as possible, I make that a family project, a family activity. And other times it just requires a slight lowering of the standards of cleanliness in my house. I keep my bedroom clean and clear of clutter so that I have a sanctuary that I can retreat to when I need some space and the house is a mess so that I can still get into a good state of mind.

But I also know that with four little kids at home, the house is gonna be messy 99% of the time. It gets messy within minutes of getting cleaned up. And I could spend all my time running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to clean up after my kids, and sometimes I do. And I have to remind myself that this is not worth the stress that I'm putting on any of us. So we do the best we can, but I encourage you to let these kinds of logistical things be low on your priority list when you have free time to yourself.

Category number two for how to use your free time is next highest in the order of priority. And this is leisure, fun, hobbies, whatever you wanna call it. The things that you do that just bring joy to you. Things that feel both restful and energizing depending on what your personality is. Maybe it's reading, relaxing and intentionally watching a show or a movie, listening to your podcast and your Audible, or maybe it's exercising or doing some sports or going for a run or a walk or a hike.

These are things that you can do in the home around your kids while they're doing their independent play or napping. Or even better, these are things that you can get out of the house to do while you have some support and childcare or a date night with your spouse. I've been known to bring my kids along to the park so that I can do some pickleball with friends while they play at the playground next to me. But it's critical that we do some of these things that are just for fun for us. Why don't we let our kids see us play?

See us just having fun. So often we're so worried about entertaining our kids and letting them do all the fun things and all the play dates and all the activities that we take them out to do. And yet do they see us prioritizing our own play and fun? I think it's appropriate for them to see it that every once in a while too. Now there starts to be a little bit of crossover between this category of fun and leisure and category number three, which I call soul work when I talk about creativity.

Because I would say that doing something creative is hopefully fun for you, but also actually really critical to our spirit and for our soul. So when I talk about something creative, I mean like journaling, writing, if you're into writing, maybe playing music or singing, those things where we get to embrace that inner creator that is innate in women that needs expression. Maybe you're watercoloring or sketching. Even cooking or baking can fill this category of creativity. However you express your creativity, I encourage you to make this a really high priority either in your leisure or even as part of category number three, which is soul work or spirituality.

So let's talk about this one. These are the things that I am, as I said before, I think you actually need to intentionally make time for every day because they're that critical that you fit into your day every day. So it might be that these are the things you wake up early in the morning to do before kids wake up, or you do after bedtime is over, or that are your number one go to thing to get done when your kids are giving you a little moment of free time. And these are the things that connect us to God and to the divine, such as prayer, meditation, scripture study. As I mentioned before, there's some crossover here if we're talking about journaling or even just doing something restful and rejuvenating, such as going for a walk in nature, going for sunrise walks is one of the best things I can do for my self care, for both my spirituality and my physical health and my mental health.

That's one of my go to activities that I try to do as often as possible. The reason this soul work is so critical is because this really is the thing that fills your cup and allows you to get through the day with your kids. It also creates an entire shift in energy so that you are giving from a place of divine love, rather than from a place of depletion or even resentment or dread. I feel like when I do the soul work to get in touch with God, and to reconnect to His love, and to my purpose on earth, which is to love like God loves, I am a totally different mom. I am so much more patient.

I am so much more present. And I can see my kids the way God sees them as His children, as children who are learning and trying their best and having hard times, but who need my love and connection rather than my yelling and my punishment. I've noticed such a difference when I make time and priority for this spiritual work to start off my day especially. And when the mornings inevitably happen where I don't have time to get this kind of thing done before the chaos of the four kids begins, I try to show my kids what I need to do. I'll tell them, I need to go do my morning yoga.

I'm going to pray now or I'm pulling out my scriptures. I'm gonna read. You can sit or lay next to me because I want them to know that this has to get done every day so that I can be the best mom I can be. So the soul work is non negotiable. Hopefully as some quiet alone kid free time.

If not, it's getting done either way. So my amazing mamas out there, you deserve to be a whole person, a whole woman who's enjoying life, who has a deep spiritual connection, who has hobbies and interests that you can think of off the top of your head when someone asks you, what do you do on your free time? You won't be stuck saying, I don't know, I'm a mom and I don't have anything else in my life. You'll be able to say, Oh, I'm an artist. I'm a writer.

I'm an athlete. And your kids will look to you as a role model for being a well rounded human who knows how to take care of themself. And when eventually your kids are grown and move out of the house, you'll even be able to navigate that transition a little easier because you will have spent years developing an identity outside of motherhood. Ladies, I am so blessed to define myself as a mother. I love that definition.

I embrace that identity. It's probably one of the most important and fulfilling identities I have. And I see myself as an ambitious woman. I see myself as a daughter of God. I see myself as a friend, a wife, an athlete.

And I'm here to give you permission that you can be at all as well. Let me know what you think. Let me know what your struggles are with this. Let me know how this is landing for you. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Connect with me on Instagram creating. Intentional. Mothers And let me know if this helps you have a little more clarity on how to use the precious free moments that you get in your day. I'll see you next time on Intentional Motherhood.