2 Lessons My Baby Taught Me

Today, we're gonna talk about two lessons I learned from my baby forcing me to be a better mom. Let's talk about it. Welcome to motherhood, the best job in the world. I'm your host, Kelsey Redd, a mental health counselor turned stay at home mom, here to give you self regulation skills and practical parenting tips so you can find ultimate presence and joy in mothering. So today I'm just trying to finish up a couple things for work.

I have my baby on my hip and of course he's a little fussy, you know that stage they get to when they're just like a little whiny and you know they need something, but you're just about finished with what it is you're trying to do, or you just have one last thing to get done while my brain is still in this zone. So you're just kinda, you know, rocking and bouncing. And you're like, I know, I know, I'm about to help you. Just let me finish this last thing. That's what I'm doing to my baby.

And he's fussing and whining and he's not even a year old at this point. And I'm just, you know, saying those things like, it's okay, it's okay. I know just a second, just a second. Let me just finish. I've got him in one arm.

I've got one hand on my laptop trying to just do one last little thing. All of a sudden my baby, not even one years old, I didn't even know he could do this, but he communicated so clearly to me. He took his adorable little chubby, dimpled knuckled hands, put both of them on both sides of my cheeks and turned my head to look at him. Talk about a knife in the heart. I was like, okay, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, baby. I closed my laptop. I looked at him, I gave him my full attention. And I said, I'm here, baby. What do you need?

You're hungry, aren't you? Let's get you some food. And it was one of those moments when I just realized how often am I going about my day doing all the things that I just want to get done. And I'm just trying to finish up one more thing. And I know you need me but hold on.

And my eyes, I literally was not even looking at him. He was on my hip, but my eyes were on my computer. My other hand was on my computer. I wasn't even turning to look in his eyes and acknowledge that he was needing me in that moment until those adorable little chunky hands forced me to look into his eyes. And then I realized, oh, I'm so sorry.

Whatever I was doing, it was not even important. This is important. You need your mom. You need me. You are forming your beliefs about the world around you.

The first three years are the most critical years for a baby's brain to develop an understanding and belief system of the world around them, specifically around trust and attachment, which is why it's critical that as parents, as mothers, we attune to our babies, we give them attention, we look into their eyes, we respond to them when they make a bid for connection, or cry out for a need. They need to know that their needs are understood and will be met. And that is how they learn to trust the world around them. We are their first experience with that. From the moment they cry and we respond to them by soothing and feeding them as a newborn, to this stage that I'm describing with a one year old, almost one year old, whining and communicating in the way they know how, and rather than being ignored, ignored, ignored, put off to turn, make eye contact, say, Here I am, it's okay.

I'm gonna meet your need. All the way through to three years old when you have a toddler throwing a tantrum, And maybe at this point it's a little harder to do because you want them to just actually communicate with words at that point. But instead scooping them up and saying, I know I'm here. It's okay. We're gonna be okay.

You might not get what you want, but I know I'm here for you. I've got you, you're safe. I know you're upset, but it's okay. This is the way children develop a whole system of beliefs about the world around them. It's through our attunement.

So please learn from my example, my bad example, And respond to your babies when they're making that bid. Use eye contact, use your soothing voice, use your touch. I learned in that moment two things. One, I need to be quicker about responding to my baby's needs. And two, I'll get more into this in a different episode, but this multitasking, this trying to get one other thing done, this momming while working is one of the things that I call a joy killer.

I need to have separation in space and time for what I'm trying to do. Now, of course, that doesn't mean we're never going to be multitasking. We're obviously going to have to get stuff done around the house or work, but as often as I can, I try to delineate between I'm working now, or I'm here present with my kids now, so that I don't have to try to juggle both? Because that little, those little hands on my cheeks, that really affected me. And I thought, Oh, I am out of balance.

Something's wrong here. I gotta do better than this. So there you go. I hope you can learn from my experience, from my lesson, and that we can all try to be a little more present and to attune to our babies. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to follow the show, leave a review, and share it with a mom friend.

I'll see you next time on Motherhood, the best job in the world.